“An Hour Before The Knife” Poem

“I Spoke to Life last night…I asked him”,

~Life is this all you have to offer me? False sense of happiness and vitality Security. I could lose Anyone at Anytime.
~You offer me Crooked, Cruel, and Cold Shoulder wielding human beings with No Target insight but “Self”.
~You offer me Malign Spouses who Deceive to no days end, and yet Glee and Content displayed in their disposition, whilst I showcase a grimace.
~You offer me Dreams. Although not dreams that breed success, my mind is beginning to belief you offer me mere Mirages in my head.
~Thoughts that strive to cause my strive, But for I to Never Palpate.
~A Limitless Ladder to which I Ascend until I Ultimately Ascend, or Descend.
~Why should I allow my body to climb?
~You offer me Kinship with no purpose. No man in My Ladder has assisted my existence.
~Why allow them to think so? Why such trickery? Why such treachery?
~You offer me Fellowship with no Cause Nor Effect. I would have come this far with none by my side. Words of others do not Faze me. It’s about action.
~Why do you allow such people to attach to my belonging. (Tear) To only break, destroy, mangle, and bind with my Emotional plane.
~I wish to say {Farewell}, though you attempt to make it hard. I fear as though I will never be able to say {Goodbye} to this until I bid thee farewell.
~Life, if this is what you offer me, in “Your Prime“, then I wish to depart from you. I do not with to take part in this Eternal Event any longer.
~Though I wonder, if what heaven can offer me is better then what you throw in my direction.
~As a Youth, I built Excitement around the thought of me reaching this Time in Space.
To be disappointed to this Magnitude… how it hurts My Heart so. (Tear).
~Is it possible to be excited about Heaven itself and become disappointed and hurt as well?
~In the end I imagine that to be the Grandest of Pain…
~Should I excuse myself?
~Should I excite myself?
~This I don’t know.
~I sense that there is something that You’re not telling me.
~However let this be known,
~(Tear)
~”I cease to want to know anymore.“
–Dear Life

-Jovonni